Reflections on Leadership

My dad used to tell me that anyone could teach - you just had to be one chapter ahead of those you were teaching and not necessarily an expert on the material.

I've felt that recently. Except, I haven't felt one chapter ahead. It's been a bit more like three chapters behind. The last couple weeks haven't been my most glamorous moments in ministry. To say the least. I don't know how many times I've walked out of an awkward conversation with a stranger in the dorms or out of counseling a student about their future thinking, Wow. Did I really just say that? and praying that I didn't do more harm than help.

But oddly enough, Jesus has invited me to lead. And it's in this very season of feeling like a complete idiot at times that He has invited me into full time ministry. So what is it, exactly, that He is calling me into? What really makes someone a leader?

I think I can look at the last couple weeks and see it as all a failure. But I am slowly becoming convinced that Jesus sees it as a victory. I can say that I fully understand what it means to take risks and then be flat out rejected. I can say that I've felt disappointment in the depths of my soul. And I can say that I've felt the weight and consequences of my pride and impatience and of my lack of fully understanding the grace and power of my God. And because of that, I can see the Cross a bit more clearly.

Luke 7:47: “I tell you, her sins—and they are many—have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.”

Yes, the woman with the alabaster jar has much to teach me. In some odd way, the disappointment, the rejection, the feelings of failure - have helped me to love more. Because the more I fall at the feet of Jesus, the more I see how much I desperately need Him. And, in turn, the more I long to love His people.

And so leadership is not being one chapter ahead in the sense that I've done it right and seen it work and now I'm going to pass it on. It's being one chapter ahead in knowing how much I need forgiveness. One chapter ahead in experiencing disappointment. And one chapter ahead in continuing to pour out my life and treasure in worship of Jesus.

Leadership in the Kingdom is not about one godly person raising up the broken. Rather, it's the broken picking up the broken in order to fall together at the feet of Jesus.