Jehovah-Rohi?

Two years ago, I asked the question, "Is God actually the Provider?" Do I believe in Jehovah-Jireh? The thought haunted me: How can I ask God to provide me a job and believe He will when so many are out of jobs these days? When there are millions dying of starvation? And then I saw Him provide...abundantly...beyond what I could ever have hoped for. And now I'm seeing Him do it again...and again...and again. Do I believe in Jehovah-Jireh? Absolutely.

But now a second question plagues me: Do I believe in Jehovah-Rohi? The Shepherd? Sure, I believe in a God who leads you alongside peaceful waters...But what about the God who tackles bears and wolves to protect his sheep? What about God the Protector?

Where was God during the abuse that happened so long ago? Where was He when Tracey was mugged a couple weeks ago and literally beaten? Where was He when Nancy went missing on her morning run yesterday and is still yet to be found? Where is He every day when so many girls are forced into prostitution? I know theologically why. I can give a beautiful answer explaining that's there's still evil in the world and God is bringing his plan of redemption. I know that we can't let circumstances dictate who God is.

But deep down in my soul there is unbelief. And God is raising it to the surface.

30 minutes of silence in the botanical garden. Of sitting with my arms crossed and tears in my eyes with no more words left to say. And what response did I get? Just one:

"The one who is in you is greater than the one who is in this world" (1 John 4:4). Papa, help me believe it. Amen.