Do you ever wonder what a runner thinks about when they're en route with no iPod or friend to talk to? Here's a little snap shot from my run this morning:
Oy...it's painful to be awake right now. Should I take the dirt path? Or the road? Dirt? What if I break an ankle...eh...what the hay...
I wonder what I'll have to do at work today... (Sinking feeling.) I have to say goodbye to Sudheer and Priya today. Science is stealing them to Texas. MAN I really hate goodbyes. How can God give me so much love for someone is so short of time? I had no idea when I started this job that I'd end up crying for a hours because I'm going to miss them so much.
Those two older men are wearing suits and the same hats. I wonder where they're from. Maybe Professors? Just taking a walk? Some cult? I bet they're in the mafia...
I wonder what Priya thinks about her new Telugu Bible. Will I still get to be a part of her life somehow and see how she continues growing spiritually while she's in Texas? I hope so.
"In-N-Out." Aagh...Don't want to smell that right now. Ooo...in four days I'll get to eat chocolate again!...Ok, don't think about food right now...
Why do I hope? It's so stinkin' painful. The more I hope and have faith the more I get hurt.
Ok. That freakin' street cleaning truck has been following me for five minutes now. If I could just run faster to get far enough ahead of him...DANG IT. I forfeit. Let me just stop and pretend to tie my shoe so he can pass me up.
Could I be like those grandmothers who pray for their children 45 years before seeing them experience Jesus? Or like one of those evangelists who really tries everything for a few years and fails miserably only to see God work wonders a couple years down the road? Jesus, what are you trying to teach me?
OH...the HILL... Minnie! I need you right now! 1,2,3...4,5,6...1,2,3...4,5,6...
Damn Denim
(Pardon my French.)
I bought a pair of denim shorts from Old Navy the other day and wore them once before washing them. Bad idea. Ever since I've had bad itching all over my legs. Feels like a million mosquitoes attacked me. I'm telling you...I always have the weird and painful yet totally harmless stuff happen to me. Sigh...
The costochondritis (miserable chest pain) has finally subsided for the most part though. I think God is testing my ability to cope with pain...
I bought a pair of denim shorts from Old Navy the other day and wore them once before washing them. Bad idea. Ever since I've had bad itching all over my legs. Feels like a million mosquitoes attacked me. I'm telling you...I always have the weird and painful yet totally harmless stuff happen to me. Sigh...
The costochondritis (miserable chest pain) has finally subsided for the most part though. I think God is testing my ability to cope with pain...
5 Years
5 years ago, today, I woke up to go running with my brother and came back to hear the news that my dad had ran his last.
I don't really have much eloquent to say, but I feel a deep need to say something. That's been my frustration all day. Someone needs to remember. Someone needs to say something. But no one here ever knew my dad. No one here knows just how great he really was. And, sadly, I lack the words to tell them. I can talk all day about silly little stories - of how he did triple axles in the parking lot after church every Sunday or how he was addicted to watching "24." I can go a little deeper and talk about how he helped me with my homework and read his Bible every day. Of how he had missionaries over all the time and loved to learn about other cultures. But nothing I can say really does justice in explaining how great of a dad I had.
He wasn't a famous preacher or a missionary martyr or anyone who might cause us to have a holiday to remember him by. He was an engineer. An engineer who went to the same job for 35 years. He was quiet and pretty serious and not always recognized. And yet his impact was huge. I really think he led by Jesus' ministry model. Invest in a few and impact the world. My dad invested in four people - my mom, my sister, my brother, and myself. Sure, there were plenty of others he cared for and served, but he definitely gave up his time and life for us. And, not to boast, but I think it's only fare to say that his investment is paying off.
My mom has played a huge role in her church and is a woman of great influence there and at her work. Not to mention she has great influence in her family. :) My sister is overseeing a college ministry in San Diego where they are seeing hundreds of students become new believers. My brother is a key leader in his church group and has seen it grow from five to over thirty in just a few years. By God's grace I have seen many students and friends decide to follow Jesus for the first time and am now going into full time ministry.
And how did my Dad do it? He didn't preach any wild sermons at us or demand that we follow Jesus. No, he led by example. He woke up every morning to pray and meet with His Father. He put his family above his work and refused to travel much or work overtime. He dedicated one day a week to God, and family, and rest. When we asked him for advice, his first question for us was if we listened to God about it yet. And then he empowered us. He told me he loved me and was proud of me nearly every day. He asked me for prayer when I was just a little girl. He sent me to go to India and Mexico to have experiences of God in new environments. He loved Jesus and prayed for me every day. And really, I don't think anything else could have been more powerful.
And so, no one here knows my dad. My kids will never know him. Probably only a couple hundred people could ever say they really knew him. But his impact and his influence is immeasurable. And so today is technically Casar Chavez day. But I want to also call it Dr. Ronald Earl Joiner Jr. day. Because I think he deserves it. And boy I wish the world could just stop for a minute and remember him.
I don't really have much eloquent to say, but I feel a deep need to say something. That's been my frustration all day. Someone needs to remember. Someone needs to say something. But no one here ever knew my dad. No one here knows just how great he really was. And, sadly, I lack the words to tell them. I can talk all day about silly little stories - of how he did triple axles in the parking lot after church every Sunday or how he was addicted to watching "24." I can go a little deeper and talk about how he helped me with my homework and read his Bible every day. Of how he had missionaries over all the time and loved to learn about other cultures. But nothing I can say really does justice in explaining how great of a dad I had.
He wasn't a famous preacher or a missionary martyr or anyone who might cause us to have a holiday to remember him by. He was an engineer. An engineer who went to the same job for 35 years. He was quiet and pretty serious and not always recognized. And yet his impact was huge. I really think he led by Jesus' ministry model. Invest in a few and impact the world. My dad invested in four people - my mom, my sister, my brother, and myself. Sure, there were plenty of others he cared for and served, but he definitely gave up his time and life for us. And, not to boast, but I think it's only fare to say that his investment is paying off.
My mom has played a huge role in her church and is a woman of great influence there and at her work. Not to mention she has great influence in her family. :) My sister is overseeing a college ministry in San Diego where they are seeing hundreds of students become new believers. My brother is a key leader in his church group and has seen it grow from five to over thirty in just a few years. By God's grace I have seen many students and friends decide to follow Jesus for the first time and am now going into full time ministry.
And how did my Dad do it? He didn't preach any wild sermons at us or demand that we follow Jesus. No, he led by example. He woke up every morning to pray and meet with His Father. He put his family above his work and refused to travel much or work overtime. He dedicated one day a week to God, and family, and rest. When we asked him for advice, his first question for us was if we listened to God about it yet. And then he empowered us. He told me he loved me and was proud of me nearly every day. He asked me for prayer when I was just a little girl. He sent me to go to India and Mexico to have experiences of God in new environments. He loved Jesus and prayed for me every day. And really, I don't think anything else could have been more powerful.
And so, no one here knows my dad. My kids will never know him. Probably only a couple hundred people could ever say they really knew him. But his impact and his influence is immeasurable. And so today is technically Casar Chavez day. But I want to also call it Dr. Ronald Earl Joiner Jr. day. Because I think he deserves it. And boy I wish the world could just stop for a minute and remember him.
The "Costco" Disease is back.
Towards the end of last quarter I had sharp shooting pain in my chest and my heart rate went up real fast to the point that I thought I was having a heart attack. After going to the ER they said I had costochondritis. Two weeks of agonizing pain, some tylenol with codeine, and much love from the roommates, it finally went away.
And then this last Friday, it came back. BLahhekadubihrlykruds. Last night was the worst. The hardest thing is that the pain increases significantly when I lie down so it's really hard to sleep. I come home from work and try to make up for the lack of sleep by napping in a chair sitting up. It works...kind of.
I hate to be such a complainer but pretty much every minute I just really want to scream so I guess this is one way to vent.
"Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day." - 2 Corinthians 4:16. This is really true. Jesus - I want to fix my eyes on the wonderful things you have done for me recently and not on this pain. Help me remember how you spoke to me while I ran last week about your closeness to me. Help me remember the images you gave me in prayer at Catalyst about choosing me as your friend. Help me remember the wonderful moments with the other interns and staff this weekend and how we laughed for hours on end. Help me remember the joy you've given me as I step into this new season of ministry and calling.
I want relief Father. But more than that, I want to follow and obey Jesus in the midst of this. I want to learn the lessons he has for me and have my character be built. In moments of intense pain, my ugly side comes out more and more. So help me Father to remain faithful and loving and close to you in the midst of this.
Amen.
And then this last Friday, it came back. BLahhekadubihrlykruds. Last night was the worst. The hardest thing is that the pain increases significantly when I lie down so it's really hard to sleep. I come home from work and try to make up for the lack of sleep by napping in a chair sitting up. It works...kind of.
I hate to be such a complainer but pretty much every minute I just really want to scream so I guess this is one way to vent.
"Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day." - 2 Corinthians 4:16. This is really true. Jesus - I want to fix my eyes on the wonderful things you have done for me recently and not on this pain. Help me remember how you spoke to me while I ran last week about your closeness to me. Help me remember the images you gave me in prayer at Catalyst about choosing me as your friend. Help me remember the wonderful moments with the other interns and staff this weekend and how we laughed for hours on end. Help me remember the joy you've given me as I step into this new season of ministry and calling.
I want relief Father. But more than that, I want to follow and obey Jesus in the midst of this. I want to learn the lessons he has for me and have my character be built. In moments of intense pain, my ugly side comes out more and more. So help me Father to remain faithful and loving and close to you in the midst of this.
Amen.
Running Thoughts
A friend told me last night that it is so obvious that God and I are close. (Er...I believe her exact word was "tight.") In the moment I kind of chuckled, but I woke up and couldn't get the thought out of my mind.
I skipped work today (since my entire lab is in Salt Lake City and there's nothing to do so why not take vacation?) and ran to the beach instead. And as I ran, I kept thinking over and over again: God and I are close. We share life together. He calls me his friend. It feels strange to say it for fear of either sounding corny or cocky or of putting God on some low level and not giving him the utmost respect and honor that he deserves. But I couldn't get the reality out of my head today. I have a relationship with the living God. Who am I to have that? And in light of that reality, does anything else really matter?
As I continued running, my thoughts shifted to my dad. In a few weeks, it will have been five years since his home-going. And in that same week, I will begin a five year commitment to IV staff. And I felt like God was saying, "It's a new season Kelly. I want to take you out of a season of grief and into a season of joy." Again, it's scary to say that for fear that I'll either forget my dad and all the grief that came in that season or that when hard times come I'll question God's words. But I really had that sense today and I want to believe it - that God is really taking me into a new season with promises of joy.
"For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?" - Isaiah 43:19.
I skipped work today (since my entire lab is in Salt Lake City and there's nothing to do so why not take vacation?) and ran to the beach instead. And as I ran, I kept thinking over and over again: God and I are close. We share life together. He calls me his friend. It feels strange to say it for fear of either sounding corny or cocky or of putting God on some low level and not giving him the utmost respect and honor that he deserves. But I couldn't get the reality out of my head today. I have a relationship with the living God. Who am I to have that? And in light of that reality, does anything else really matter?
As I continued running, my thoughts shifted to my dad. In a few weeks, it will have been five years since his home-going. And in that same week, I will begin a five year commitment to IV staff. And I felt like God was saying, "It's a new season Kelly. I want to take you out of a season of grief and into a season of joy." Again, it's scary to say that for fear that I'll either forget my dad and all the grief that came in that season or that when hard times come I'll question God's words. But I really had that sense today and I want to believe it - that God is really taking me into a new season with promises of joy.
"For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?" - Isaiah 43:19.
Two Truths
"We are poor but we give spiritual riches to others. We own nothing, and yet we have everything."
- 2 Corinthians 6:10
"I will not be afraid for you are close beside me."
- Psalm 23:4
Two truths that I can quickly forget. My eyes too easily deceive me. But oh! what life I receive when I remember.
- 2 Corinthians 6:10
"I will not be afraid for you are close beside me."
- Psalm 23:4
Two truths that I can quickly forget. My eyes too easily deceive me. But oh! what life I receive when I remember.